if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
