peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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