Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
