wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just want nice things and good sex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
