if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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