All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
