don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
