Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
