she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
