Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
