i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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