Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize