Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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