4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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