So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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