Can i not drive my cunt home
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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