Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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