Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
