You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
