Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
