pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Damn victory sex feels great
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
