I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
