Swine flu. Run for my life!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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