Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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