is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
