she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
