I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
