a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
