M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
