Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
