he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
