Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
