Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
