i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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