So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
