I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
