maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
