it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
