well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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