I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
false alarm. still invincible.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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