It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ttyl tear gas
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
