There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize