So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
