SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
