Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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