Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
