It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
