TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Too much gin, very little bucket
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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