how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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