as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
