Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
