Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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