That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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