Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
