Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
