If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
