i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
