great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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