Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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