remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
