The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
