I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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