Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
