Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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