Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
