1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
