i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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