I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Jerry, you need to find god
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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