So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
