forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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