why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
